I embarked a train trip from Germany to Switzerland and unfortunately there was no Swiss train matching my schedule. So, there was no other choice than using a connection supplied and operated by the German Railway Company, called Deutsche Bahn. I really like travelling by train, and I did so in many parts of the World. But it’s always important to know what to expect so you can best prepare for the journey. And in the case of Germany, you may go in with the misconception, that you can experience a certain standard in one of the world’s richest countries.
I better give you a few tips below.
Plan direct connections where you don’t have to change trains on the way. It is likely you will miss your connection and get stranded somewhere in a filthy train station for hours.
Have nice words ready for the train staff. They are mostly very friendly and take any situation with good humour trying to keep the spirit high. They often go more than the “extra mile” to help, whatever happens. And it’s always better, to crack a few jokes together than complain.
If you still have hand sanitiser from the Covid times, take it with you. For example, this journey started in Wiesbaden with a drug addict vomiting all over the place.
When you wash your hands in the bathroom, always check first whether the water is running before using soap. Otherwise, you may find yourself with soap in your hands and no way to wash it off. Anybody who travelled in developing countries knows the situation.
Don’t wear light colour clothes, because the trains may be really dirty. Perhaps even consider bringing something to cover the seats. People eat, drink, crumble and spill everywhere. I even developed a theory of why Germans like to travel with backpacks. Then they still have both hands to keep eating Chicken McNuggets while they walk. At the same time, they will jam their backpacks into your ribs.
In summer, the air conditioning notoriously malfunctions. So, carry a small hand fan. I got used to this when I travelled on the Columbo-Kandy train in Sri Lanka. And it comes in handy in Germany too.
There are actually quiet compartments where passengers are not supposed to use their phones. But some people don’t care and yell into their phones. Take some noise-cancellation earphones not to be forced to participate in their conversations. Here it comes in handy if you don’t understand German because at least the dull content will not bother you, and it’s just noise.
Some fellow passengers may watch movie clips or listen to music without headphones. Or, in the worst case, they blast you with a computer game. What helps here is a Wifi and GSM jammer, which interrupt the internet connection. You can buy these Shenzen. As a result, your fellow passengers will get very upset for a few minutes, because they first have to develop an alternative to what to do with their little lives in the time to come. Then they order alcohol, gaze out of the window and fall asleep. Job done.
Should you plan to work with a Laptop, synch your files and Outlook client to a local drive. There is wireless internet, in theory, but it’s patchy and slow.
Last but not least. Most of these tips refer to long haul trains which are relatively safe. But should you ever come into the situation that you have to take a local train (e.g. “S-Bahn”), you also have to consider repelling real troublemakers. Of course, de-escalation is the best first response. But even if this is successful, still consider informing the police. People who are really looking for trouble, will continue harassing others who maybe even more vulnerable. Should it come to the worst, in such confined spaces the application of teargas will cause more harm than good. Also, I learned recently that CS does not stop effectively somebody who is on drugs. So the methods of choice pacifying a Zombie are electroshock, stun grenades and cable binders for the aftermath. Besides the omnipresence of drugs, also knifes make such incidents really dangerous. On the positive side, luckily, Germany has relatively strict regulations for firearms and they are usually not involved. But better stay away from local public transport and take an Uber or rent a car.
The Deutsche Bahn has announced that they will fix all these issues by 2070. So, not in my lifetime. For me, should I have to procure the services of Deutsche Bahn again, I will take it as an adventure and with a smile, a backpack, Chicken McNuggets in one hand and a stun grenade in the other.